Visions of You
by Skye-Blue 101
Summary: It has been a year since Edward left and Bella is still in love with him. She has already finished high school and is about to go off to Alaska to attend college. But what happens when the visions of Edward return? When she gets to school she runs into the Cullens, but only four of them. And what they have to tell her is shocking. Can you love someone from beyond the grave? HEA
1. Heartbreakng News

Heartbreaking News

I sighed as I packed the last of my things. As August grew nearer, change became apparent. Today, just after breakfast, I would leave Forks, and all of the memories surrounding it. I was torn, as to which emotions I should feel. Should I find happiness in this journey, a chance to start anew? Or should I feel sorrowful that I am leaving behind my memories? The last memories I have of him.

In my mind, I fought to find middle ground. Why couldn't I just feel _nothing_? I guess I knew the answer already. I did not want to forget such beautiful memories, no matter how much I cry over them. But, at the same time, I did not want to remember the pain.

If only he were still here; if I could be wrapped in his arms. Those thoughts seemed so old, and warn out. How many times have wished for that in the past year? I have lost count. In hindsight, it seemed a little pathetic. I mean, it's been a year. My nineteenth birthday was in a little less than a month. And, I will be on my way to college in a few hours.

"You're not pathetic. You are only in love with a fool." A low, velvet voice whispered.

I jumped, scanning my empty room. Everything was as it should be. I could find no trace of pale skin, or bronze hair. I immediately thought of earlier in the year. Back when I was younger somehow. Not physically, but mentally. Back when I would do anything to hear that voice. To see that face, just once more.

This got me thinking. I had not done anything to bring on a rush, nothing had scared me. So, how was this happening? I thought I was going crazy the last time. That craziness had almost killed me, on the cliff top. Maybe, I have just been given a gift. Maybe I no longer have to risk my life for this….. release.

I decided to let it go. So what if I'm going crazy? I can't find much to live for anyway.

"I am sorry. I have failed you." The voice, _his_ voice said again.

This time, I saw him. He was standing in the corner, by the old, white rocking chair that I had decided will remain with Charlie.

"So, you're sorry you left, huh? Do you finally see how much better off my life was when I was with you?" I almost felt silly for talking to no one, but I shrugged it off.

"I love you." He said. And then he was gone.

I picked up the last two boxes, and headed down the stairs. Charlie was waiting at the dining room table with a plate of eggs, bacon, and sausage. A going away gift I suppose.

"You ready for this, Bells?"

"Yeah, Dad. I've been ready since graduation."

"Well, I do think you need a bit of a scenery change."

"Right. See? Alaska will be good for me."

"You sure you're okay to drive that far?"

"Of course. I'll be fine, but I should probably leave so that I have plenty of time to get my apartment set up, and explore the town a bit before classes start tomorrow morning." I answered whilst scooping my breakfast onto a paper plate, so that I could take it on the road.

"Here, let me take that last couple boxes out for you."

"M'kay." I said.

I quickly finished my food, and fallowed Charlie outside. He loaded the last box onto the bed of my truck, and tied the boxes in place.

"There you go, Bells; all set."

"Thank you, Daddy. I'll really miss you. Call you when I get there."

"It's alright, kid. Just promise you'll be back for Christmas."

"I promise. I love you, Dad." I assured as I climbed into the driver side of the truck. With a final wave from a teary eyed Charlie, I headed off to my future.

As I drove, the voice did not leave. It was always the same. He would apologize for something, leaving, I guess. And, then he would declare his love for me and vanish. I immediately grew used to it. Each time he left, I would crave his return. At times, I wondered if I was becoming too attached, and this would only hurt me in the long run. But, again, I ignored the feeling.

Hours passed, and the cycle continued. At my stops for food, and gas, he would leave the truck, and fallow me. With every new place he fallowed me, my thoughts would drift back to the reason. If he were here purely because my sub consciousness imagined him, then I would assume he would be in higher spirits. But, I guess insanity doesn't have any rules.

As I neared the school campus, I began to notice things. Things that I shouldn't have. Things that only made me feel worse. Thinking of _him_ also made me think of the other Cullens. I kept seeing things that reminded me of the others. Alice would love that store. That girl looks like Rosalie. Jasper would have had a great time at that museum. With every thought, my heart broke a little bit more.

'It's okay. It's okay.' seemed to become my new mantra. As the memories of the Cullens ran through my mind, another question made itself known. Why now? It's been six months since the cliff diving incident, and though I haven't stopped thinking of them, the reminders had begun to fade out. Until now, that is.

I made it to my apartment by nightfall. It was a nice and spacious place. There were only enough rooms for one, but that was all I would need. As I looked around, I sent a silent thank you to Charlie. He had decided that for a graduation / birthday present, he would pay for my rent until I got a job, and made enough money to pay it for myself, and eventually buy a house.

All of my furniture was already there, we had sent it ahead. I had been sleeping on the couch at Charlie's for the past couple of weeks, and would enjoy having a bed again.

After I set up my things, I headed out to explore this new town. I didn't bother with my truck, for I figured it would be easier to just take a walk. The town was pretty easily navigated. I soon came across a McDonalds, and headed in to grab some dinner. I would have to go shopping tomorrow. I ordered a Big Mack from a snooty cashier who reminded me of Jessica Stanley.

Once I had my food, and sat down in the nearest booth, the voice returned.

"I wish I could be with you. I miss you."

I was about to respond, when I remembered that I was in public, and it would have looked very odd if a teenage girl started to talk to herself. So, I ate my food in silence. When I was done, I headed back out into the night. I wanted to get a look at the school itself.

It was a very beautiful school, and hard to miss too. I wouldn't get lost here. The main building had a large clock tower above the entrance to what looked like the main offices. The school also had a very simple layout; again, a plus.

Suddenly, a bell rang, and a large group of students exited their classes. I had heard rumors that the school had night courses, but I wasn't sure.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of four students heading towards the parking lot. I automatically recognized them. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, to get over to them.

"Alice!"

The smallest Cullen turned around and froze when she saw me. A few seconds later she seemed to thaw out.

"Bella?" she wondered as I neared them.

"I- I never thought I'd see you again." I mumbled.

They all came forward to hug me, even Rosalie. When they backed away, I got a closer look at them. None of them were smiling, not even Emmett. They all seemed even more withdrawn from the crowd than they were at Forks High. Most importantly, one of them was missing.

"Guys, what's going on? And where's Edward?"

Each of them shuddered, and gave each other nervous glances.

The vision of Edward made himself known again when he said, "I am so sorry. I should have tried harder."

I jumped at his voice. "Guys?"

"Bella," Alice answered, pained. "Edward is," she paused for an unnecessary breath "dead." She whispered.

I gasped.


	2. Our Little Not-So-Happy-Secret

Our Little, Not-So-Happy Secret

I stood there, frozen, for an immeasurable amount of time. He was dead. My only reason for living was dead. And it was my fault. If I hadn't cut my finger, like the klutz I am, then he never would have left. He would be here, with his family, with me.

"H-how?" I sobbed.

"He wanted you to be safe. After he left, he went after Victoria. He managed to burn her, but she dragged him down with her. Bella, I'm so sorry." Alice whispered.

My fault. My fault. My fault. I kept repeating this in my head. And it was true. It was my fault. If I had never met him, if we had never gone to that dreaded baseball clearing, he never would have met her. He would be safe. My fault.

"No. Not your fault. I could never wish to never have met you. I don't care if it killed me or not. I love you." He whispered.

"This, this can't be happening." I sobbed as tears streamed down my face.

"I promise you, I'll fix this." The voice said.

"Come on, Bella, I'll drive you home." Alice said evenly, careful not to let any emotions slip through. "Guys, I'll meet you at Carlisle and Esme's." With that, she took my hand, and led me over to her new 2007 Mercedes-Benz.

Once I was in, she started the engine, and turned to me. "What's your address?" she asked sweetly.

"418 on the corner of Vine and Fifth Street." I spoke in a monotone voice.

"Everything will be alright, Love." Edward said.

I gasped, and resisted the urge to answer him.

"What?"Alice wondered.

"Oh, um, it's nothing."

"You know that you can tell me anything, right? We're sisters."

"I know."

A few minutes later, we arrived at my apartment. I led the way, unlocked the door, and held it open for her. "Well, here we are, home, sweet home." I said in mock joy.

"It'll be okay, Bella. We'll figure this out."

"I want to believe you, Alice. I really do, but I just can't. How am I supposed to survive this? What am I going to do?"

"Well, you aren't alone anymore. You have us, all of us. We'll be there for you. We can all get though this, together."

"Thank you, Ali."

"She's right, love. You will never be alone. I will always be at your side."

I let a small smile play on my lips. He was right. I wouldn't be alone. I have Edward, and Alice, and all of the Cullens. Somehow, I'm not quite sure; I would make it through this. I have fought way too long and hard for my happy ending, and I will not let it fall down the drain. I would fix this; I would get my Edward back.

"Bella, are you alright? You seem really spaced out."

"Yeah, um, just thinking. I just don't know what to do know. I'm not going home, to Charlie, but it's hard to stay here, to keep up with life know that I know that it happened. It's like, like I don't have the desire to live anymore. He was my life, and now my life is gone."

"Don't think that way, Bella! You can't just give up! Think of what he would want. Do you think he would want you to waist your life on him?"

"Waist? Alice, that would not be a waist. It would be freedom. Freedom from all of this pain."

"You, you would do that? You would kill yourself, for me?" He asked.

"I would do anything for you." I mumbled.

"Bella, who are you talking to?"

Oh great. How was I going to get out of this one? Well, I guess I could just lie.

"Tell her the truth. Let someone help you." And then he was gone. I wish that he would just stay, but after all that's happened to me, all that I've gone through; I wondered if I was too much to ask for. Why? Why couldn't he just stay with me? We could have been happy together forever. But now he was…. Dead and I'm stuck in this situation. And all the while death is looking sweeter and sweeter.

No. Think of what Alice said. I cannot kill myself. That would only hurt the people I love. It would hurt him. I couldn't do it. But, then I was left with the question of what to do next. As I told Alice, I can't keep living this way. I need to do something. I just didn't know what. Maybe Edward was right. I should just tell her the truth. I need someone besides my dead love to talk to.

"Alice, there's something I have to tell you; something you can't tell anyone else; not even Jasper."

"Okay. Bella, what is it? I won't tell. I promise."

"Okay, well I guess I should start from the beginning. After you guys left, I just, shut down. I would hardly eat, I never spoke, and I couldn't sleep because I began to have terrible nightmares."

"I had no idea leaving would affect you this way."

"Eventually, Charlie forced me out of the house. When he finally got me out, I went to a horror movie with some kids from school.** (A/N- Yeah, I know it's a little different than how it originally happened.)** When I got scared, I heard something, something I never expected to hear again. Edward's voice."

"Wait, you heard him speak to you?"

"Yes. I quickly learned that I would hear it every time I got scared, or had an adrenalin rush. I started to do stupid things. This was all I had left. So, I bought a motorcycle."

"You did what?!"

"I bought a motorcycle. Don't worry, I was fine. After the motorcycles, his voice began to fade. I knew that if I still wanted to be able to hear it, that I would need to do something big. One day, after school, I went to the cliffs in La Push."

"Were you trying to-"

"No. I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I only wanted to go cliff diving, but when I got to the top, the waves were getting choppy, and the wind was blowing harder. I realized that if I jumped, then I wouldn't make it. So, I walked away."

"Thank you for thinking more clearly. I can't believe we did that to you."

"After the cliff incident, I gave up. I realized that it was stupid, and that eventually, I would only end up getting killed. Everything after that was pretty normal. Things slowed down, and I slowly learned how to move on. Of course, I would never stop loving him, or missing you, but I had to try."

"Oh, Bella! I am so sorry."

"Everything was normal up until this morning. When I woke up, I heard his voice again. I looked around, but I couldn't find him. He apologized for something, and then told me he loved me, and then the voice disappeared. This happened off and on all day. Eventually, I began to see him. When I learned of what had happened to him, I got suspicious of what was happening. This may sound crazy, and I understand if you want to leave, but I think I've been communicating with his spirit."

"I don't think you're crazy."

"You don't?"

"I know that you would never lie to me, and it seems at least a little bit probable."

"How so?"

"When we found out what happened, I had a feeling that, there was only one place he would want to go. There was only one person that he would want to be with."

"So what do we do now?"

"Don't worry; I'll keep this a secret. And, I told you, we will figure this out. I don't know how, but we will."


	3. AN

**A/N- I have gotten a few negative reviews for this story, and I would like to clear some things up for you guys. First off, there WILL be a happy ending. I don't know how, yet, but I know that there will be. Secondly, I apologize for neglecting to mention that character death is involved. I assumed that the summary was easier to understand. I would have explained more, but there was not enough room, and by the time I got around to writing the story, I had forgotten. I hope this helps!**

**-S.**


	4. Always Someone To Talk To

Always Someone to Talk To

Alice took my hand and led me towards the front door.

"Um, Alice, where are we going?" I asked curiously whilst trying to stop the tears. It was still such a shock. Everything had come at me at once.

"Well, I'm not going to let you stay here alone." She answered, completely set on me coming with her.

"I'm not alone, I- I have…"

"So, you want me to leave you here?"

"No, it's just, I won't be able to speak to him." I whispered.

"You could always tell them."

"I don't know if I can, Alice. There is a reason that I told you. Not only are you my best friend, and my sister, but also because of your situation."

"I-I don't understand."

"H-he told me about the things you learned from James. About, how you were in, that place, because you had your gift even as a human."

She nodded silently.

"I thought that it would be best to tell you because we could relate, in that way. I don't want them to judge me."

"They won't."

"I just don't know it I'm ready for that."

"You can tell them. Even if you don't, I'll always be here." His voice whispered.

"Don't do that!" I screeched.

"Bella, what-" Alice wondered.

I put my hand up in a sign for her to be quiet.

"Do you want me to leave?" he whispered, almost, pained.

"No, of course not. It just caught me off guard. I love you. I would never want you to leave." I murmured.

"H-he's here?" Alice asked.

"Yes."

"I miss you, Alice." He whispered sadly.

"He said that he misses you." I interpreted.

"I miss you too, Edward."

I could tell that if she could, she would be in tears.

"Come, Alice. There's no point in sitting here moping. We will figure this out, I don't know how, but we will, we have to." I tried to console her while my own heart was breaking. How could I be saying this when I don't even believe it? I didn't know. All I knew was that I had to help her. I wondered if this was how she felt when I froze on the sidewalk an hour ago.

"You're right. Let's go."

We walked silently out to her car. The ride passed in the same fashion, until we got to her house. I stared at it in awe. It was just as perfect, and just the same amount of charm as their old one did. "Your house is very nice." I spoke emotionlessly, much the same way that she had- trying immensely hard not to let any emotion slip through. I didn't want to start sobbing yet.

"There's no need to cry over me." He spoke softly.

"But there is." I mumbled to him, hoping that no one could hear me.

"Be quite, Bella. They will be able to hear you."

Apparently, I wasn't quiet enough.

"Sorry." I said as I got out of the car.

She didn't speak as she led me to the door. It opened effortlessly, and I heard two small gasps from inside. "They didn't tell Carlisle, and Esme?"

"No, I guess they didn't want to get their hopes up, if you didn't come back with me."

I decided that enough had been said, so we walked into the house together quietly. The inside of the house looked much as you would expect a funeral home to. The shades were drawn, and the lights were dimmed. I also noticed another common theme. Black. I hadn't noticed before but all of the Cullens were wearing black clothes, as if they had just gotten back from a cemetery.

"Bella!" Esme gasped, pulling me into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, I'm supposed to start classes tomorrow morning." I answered, hugging her back.

"It's so good to see you, dear. How are you holding up?" She whispered the last part.

"It's, it's bearable." I lied.

"Alright, I'm not." I admitted, sheepishly. I fought the urge to cry into her shoulder and tell her everything, all of my pain, and sorrow. About how I could see him. How her oldest son, who had recently died, was standing by my side. Out of everyone in this room, it was Esme who deserved it. She had already lost one son, though it may have been more than eighty years ago, I could tell the pain was still there. It seemed almost cruel to deny her this now.

Alice, sensing what I was going to say, turned to me.

"Bella, don't" she said. "I can tell that you'll regret it." She whispered the last part.

Everyone looked at her in an odd way, as if to say 'What are you hiding?'.

"Nothing." She sang with about as much enthusiasm one could have at a time like this.

She then turned to me. "Come with me, Bella. You can sleep in my room."

"Yeah, as if I could sleep." I muttered.

"It'll be alright, Bella." She gave me a knowing smile.

**A/N- Sorry it's so short. I had a hard time coming up with the dialogue.**

**-S. **


	5. Nightmare

**A/N- Sorry it's so short. I had the perfect idea for the beginning, but the ending was a little challenging. I hope you like it though. WARNING- The begging is a bit of a tear-jerker.**

Nightmare

_I was standing in a dense forest. All was quiet, and peaceful, until, suddenly the earsplitting sound of… cracking could be heard. After each crack, I could hear a powerful bang, as if the forest was literally falling apart. I briefly remembered that old saying, 'If a tree falls in the forest…' yes, yes it does make a sound._

_Smoke began to rise through the air, surrounding me. Where was the fire? In fact, where was I? I didn't have the urge to try and find my way out of the woods, or even escape the flames that slowly spread, down the hill, to me. I just stood, and watched._

_Two figures ran towards me, but at the same time, didn't seem to see me. They seemed to be fighting, not only each other, but the flames as well. With shock, I recognized the tall frame of my love, and the fiery cat like appearance of my enemy. _

_When they reached the clearing in front of me, they stopped, and began to circle each other. Their odd little dance broke off when Victoria lunged for Edward's throat. I stood paralyzed as I watched their deadly game. _

_He ducked down, to avoid her teeth. When he was low enough, he grabbed hold of her leg, and tore it from her body. I watched as she screeched in pain. _

_Edward held it in his out-stretched hand, right in front of her face. Taunting her. As she crawled closer, in complete rage, he threw her limb into the fire. She watched, helplessly from the ground as he came closer, grabbed her wrist, and began dragging her to the closest Pire._

_He held her up, by her neck, and then dropped her body into the flames. There was a huge gust of dark gray, almost black, smoke as she burned. And that seemed to be it. The fight over. Edward had won the battle. Or so it seemed. Suddenly, a marble arm shot out of the fire, and grabbed hold of his leg, dragging him back. I could hear his strangled scream as he was burned…_

I was awoken by the sound of my own tear-filled sobs.

"Alice!" I yelled.

She was standing next to the bed in seconds.

"Yes, Bella?" She said, with a hint of a half-smile.

"I- I don't know if I can take this anymore. That, that was the worst thing I have ever dreamt…"

"What was it?"

"I saw… I watched… her kill him." I cried.

"Oh, Bella, we will figure this out. I promise." She said, as she sat down on the bed, and hugged me.

"I am so sorry you had to see that." His voice whispered.

I stiffened.

"Is- is he-"

I nodded silently.

"You- you keep saying that. _Both_ of you keep telling me that it'll be alright. That we'll get through this. But it just seems so impossible. I just, I can't shake the feeling that I had my shot, my chance at a happy ending, and I blew it, when I let him walk away."

"That wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped it. Nobody could. He wouldn't listen to us; not to me, or Carlisle, or Esme…" she trailed off.

"Come on," she said, "It's already seven thirty. You might as well come down for breakfast. I asked Esme to go shopping last night. We've got enough food in this house to last months. What time do your classes start?"

"Nine A.M."

"Perfect." She told me.

Breakfast was a very quite event. No one spoke much as I ate my toast. It seemed strange, that we could all survive this mundane life, eating, (drinking, for the others) school, homework, work, sleep (for me) after what has happened. I found it weird, that anything could be the same. He was gone, and it felt, wrong for the Earth to continue to spin, for the sun to rise and set, for anything to return to normal.

"Bella," Esme broke off my thoughts "you don't have to go to class today, if you're, not feeling up to it."

"No, I can't do that. He wouldn't want me to. I have a feeling, that if I don't go today, I'll never work up the nerve again. God knows that I love him, of course, I love him more than anything, but I can't just shut down. If I had it my way, I'd lock myself in that room, and I wouldn't come out. But I know he would not want that." I whispered, determined.

She was quiet then. It was my fault. She was only trying to help and I made her feel like life was over. I mean, it was, for me. But I didn't have the right to come into their house and bring them down. Of course they were already there, but I didn't have to make it worse.

A glance at the clock told me that I would be late if I didn't hurry up. Had it really been that long? I guess time seemed to lose meaning when the person you're living for is gone.

"I'm right here, Love. I'm not going anywhere." The voice was back.

He didn't get it. I loved that he was there, that I was able to hear his velvet voice, and occasionally see his perfect face, but it was almost cruel, in a way. I couldn't touch him, hold him, kiss him, and now that I am staying with the Cullens, indefinitely, it seemed, I couldn't even talk to him unless I was alone or with Alice.

"I'd better get to class." I addressed them all.

"I'll drive you, if you want." Alice offered.

"No, thank you Alice. I think I need to be alone."

She gave me a knowing smile. "I can see that it'll be cloudy today. Our classes don't start until five. I can pick you up?"

"My truck-" I argued uselessly.

"Will be taken care of." She finished.

"Alright. My classes end at one thirty." I told her.


	6. Surviving School

Surviving School

My truck was parked in their driveway, with the key in the ignition. Alice had gone to retrieve it last night, along with some of my clothes. I guess they really didn't want me to leave. To be honest, I didn't want to go either. I missed them all like crazy, and the only down side is that they can't know about Edward, yet.

I would like to tell them, but I'm just… scared. What if they think I'm lying? What if they just won't believe me? I was confident that Alice would; she's my sister. Not to mention that she has had experience with having paranormal gifts as a human. The others just wouldn't understand on the same level that she would.

She kept telling me that everything would be alright. But it was just, very hard to believe. When has my life ever really worked out? Everything about my life was a series of mess ups. It was like the universe hated me or something. Every single time something good happened, karma had to come back, and even up the scales. My life was blissfully perfect a year and a half ago, back when it was just me and the Cullens. Back before James, and Victoria. Before my disastrous birthday party.

The drive to school was quiet. Edward didn't talk to me, probably just trying to give me some time alone with my thoughts, since it seemed as though he could read them now. I wonder why.

I parked right in front of the school, and headed towards the quad.

As I walked, I took my schedule out of my bag. It was the first day of school for some of the students on campus, so I wasn't completely alone. The student body was divided pretty equally between the people who took night classes, and the ones who took day courses. For some reason, the night classes start about two weeks before the rest of us.

I looked over my schedule and map once more, just to make sure I had everything memorized. I was going to be an English major. The classes seemed pretty standard. Basic English, Creative Writing, History of English Literature, Basic Math, and Basic Science. I definitely had everything memorized.

I got to class with just three minutes to spare. When I walked in, many conversations stopped. Almost everybody was staring at me. Silence quickly irrupted into whispers as people glanced between me and their friends while they spoke. One conversation stood out to me.

"Here comes the new girl." A tall, tan girl with dark hair, whispered to her friend. The girl's friend, a short brunet, turned towards her, uninterested, it seemed in the girl's antics.

"Give me a break, Jenna! Half the people on campus are new!" Jenna's friend contradicted.

"But Liz, you'll never guess what I saw! That girl, whoever she is, knows the _Cullens. _I saw her talking to them last night when I came down here to meet Miranda. Remember? I was going to pick her up, and then drive back down to meet you at Todd's party."

"She knows the Cullens?" Liz seemed shocked. "No one knows the Cullens! They don't do anything since their brother died." I froze. "I used to see them around town, you know, at the mall and stuff, then, one day they just stopped coming to class. I wonder what happened to him." She mused, as if she were discussing a light topic, like what she had planned to do after class. "The next time I saw them, they were _different_."

"You think she knew him?" Jenna asked.

"It seems like it. Just look at her! No amount of makeup is going to cover up those puffy eyes! And all of that black!"

I was at my seat now, trying to hold back the tears when a low growling sounded in my head. "I hate it when people treat you like your not really there, like you don't really matter." Edward hissed.

_It's not their fault you're not here._ I thought, unable to voice my side of the conversation.

"You're wrong. It's my fault. I left. I got myself killed. But they don't have to judge you for it."

At that point, the teacher, Mrs. Nelson, entered the classroom. In the same moment, the bell rang.

"Alright, let's get started. How many of you are new to Alaska University?" She asked kindly.

I raised my hand, as did about half of the students in the room.

"Am I right to assume that everyone else is taking at least one night coarse?"

The others nodded silently.

"I suppose I'll need to go over a more basic orientation before we talk about my class separately." She began.

The day continued in a similar pattern. First with Mrs. Nelson, then with Ms. White, Mr. Peters, Mrs. Andrews, and Mr. Sanders. My classes were more repetitive than just what we talked about in class. Each teacher just went over class expectations and campus rules. The other students, however, were a different matter. In each class, my piers felt the need to voice their opinions. It seemed everyone knew about the Cullens one way, or another. And thus, everyone knew what happened to my Edward.

Though out the day, I kept hearing comments like-

_I heard she knows the Cullens._

_She knew their brother, apparently._

_I heard she was dating him._

_Anna told me they we engaged._

_Jack said that he heard they were married._

I wish these people would just leave me alone. It's none of their business. With that thought, I suddenly remembered the kids at Forks High. The only ones who really seemed to care about me were Angela, Ben, and Mike. Everyone else only cared about the gossip, or being the first to befriend the new girl. After a while, they didn't care anymore.

I had a feeling Jenna and Liz were just another Lauren and Jessica.

By the end of the day, I was ready to leave this hell on earth. Alright, it wasn't really _that _bad, but I wouldn't call it fun either. When the final bell rang at one, I was so glad to get out of there. I guess I just never knew what to expect in college. Turns out it's the same, if not worse, than high school.

I headed towards the parking lot, and, true to her word, Alice was waiting by the curb in her shiny, new Mercedes Benz.


	7. So, A Plan?

So, A Plan?

As soon as I saw her, I raced forward. I could just tell that I needed her right now. I needed someone to talk to. It didn't feel right, keeping this from the rest of the family, but I wasn't ready to explain this yet, so, not that I'm complaining, Alice was my only option. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but it would be nice to do without all the secrecy.

"So, how was your first day?" Alice asked with as much cheer as she could muster.

I tried to calm down, I really did, but it wasn't helping any. I was on the verge of tears, and I was sure that if I opened my mouth, nothing good would come of it. If Alice could tell, which I'm sure she could, she didn't let on.

I sat my bag down and slid into the car. It seemed she could tell that I wasn't ready to speak yet, so without a word, she maneuvered out of the parking lot, and began driving out of town. I had no idea where we were going, but I didn't care. As long as we were away from people, then I was alright. I just couldn't do with all of the staring, and whispering.

I didn't speak, and after a while, Alice stopped trying to comfort me. I just stared out the window, watching as the scenery changed from houses and small stores, to trees and bushes. I paid no mind to the outside world as I tried to tame the thoughts in my head. With each passing minute, things seemed to get worse. It reminded me of last night, when I was explaining things to Alice. I was so desperate last night. Screaming and crying as I thought of reality. _Reality_. It didn't seem real. It seemed like a dream. Everything was different, hazy. It was the type of thing where you wake up screaming, with tears in your eyes, and then suddenly you realize that you're in your bedroom, and it's two in the morning.

I guess I didn't have that luxury.

Suddenly, I realized that we had stopped. We were in the woods. I looked over to Alice questioningly.

"We're in the forest outside of Anchorage. Hunting ground." She told me.

The word sent a shiver down my spine. _Hunting_. I remember when the thought of it absolutely fascinated me, when all I wanted was to watch him hunt. To see what it was like. Now I couldn't bare it. Even just thinking about it hurt. I let a tear fall down my cheek. I had been careful not to let anyone see me cry. Last night with Alice, I fought them back, but when I was alone, in their guest room, I just couldn't hold it in. I cried myself to sleep.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asked sweetly.

"I guess it's better than holding it in." I whispered. I paused, collecting my thoughts. "I didn't know teenagers could be that mean." I told her.

She hesitated. "What happened?"

"It seemed like everyone knew what happened to… _him_." I choked at the end. There was no way I could say his name. It was easier to think of now, just because I have the support of the others, but I could never say it. Never again.

"Everyone was talking about… well, you know, _it_- what had happened. They didn't seem to care if I heard them or not." I continued in the same, quiet tone. "Some even scrutinized my appearance. Too much black, they said. They all acted like it was no big deal. Like they didn't even realize they were discussing someone's… _death_." I finished.

Alice leaned over and captured me in a strong hug. "Oh Bella, it will be alright."

"I hope you're right, Alice. I just don't know what to do." As I said this, I escaped her grasp, and took off my seatbelt. "I think I need some fresh air." I told her.

"Good idea." She agreed, and before I knew it, she was opening my door for me. I stepped out; still slightly stunned that she had moved so quickly. We walked over to the hood, and I leaned against it. Alice mimicked me. She seemed ill at ease in the eerie silence.

"This is all my fault." The voice was back. "I am so sorry." He paused, and as an afterthought, he added, "But, I love you, even if it's hard to believe." As he finished, he materialized about fifteen feet in front of me. I straightened out, hyperaware of Alice's eyes on me, and moved forward.

I reached up, and placed my hand on his translucent cheek. I was sorrowful to note that I could not feel his smooth skin, but a shudder wracked my body as if I was cold, a ghost of the electricity that used to flow between us.

"No, it's not. I believe you. I love you." His golden eyes, very bright in the dim sunlight, lit up even more.

"Thank you, love." He whispered. After a few seconds of staring into his eyes, my hand still raised to his face, he disappeared. I stood there, frozen for a moment. What now? I had to do something. I just didn't know what.

My fingers ached for the electric current of having his skin touch mine, or even the slight chill I received from this encounter, but the sensation was gone. I missed it. I missed everything. Every touch, every kiss. Thinking back on it now, it seems I took that for granted. I thought he'd be around forever. That we would be together forever. Maybe I should have known better.

With a sigh, I let my hand drop to my side. A lone tear escaped from my eye, and slid down my face.

I slowly began to turn around, and walk back towards Alice, and the car. I wasn't watching where I was going. I knew it was the right direction, but I couldn't care less about my feet. Once I knew that I was headed to the right place, I closed my eyes. It was a mistake, but again, I didn't care. I tripped, and fell on a branch, and I stayed down.

Alice came forward then, and knelt beside me. She pulled me up, into sitting position, and held me close, in a very sisterly way. I sobbed as quietly as I could. I was not going to complain, and in the back of my mind, it almost seemed like it would be rude to do so, but I couldn't help thinking that, these were not the arms I wanted wrapped around me. I feared that I would never feel them again; that maybe the closest I would get would be the shiver that went down my spine when I tried to touch him now. Could this be it? All I would ever get? Just a few glimpses and some words that only I can hear? That doesn't seem fair.

"Come on Bella, let's go home. Can you walk?"

"Yes." I mumbled. Before I moved, I turned to face her. "Alice?"

"What is it, Bella?"

"We have to do something. I'm tired of us trying to convince each other that everything will be alright. I need some proof that this will work out."

"Your right. We can't really talk at home, but we should start coming up with something; a plan of some kind." She seemed determined.

**A/N- Tell me what you think. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you like it. I'm not quite sure about the ending yet, but I know that it will be a happy one. If you can review with an interesting happy ending, I would greatly appreciate it. And, if I end up using your idea, I will dedicate the end chapters to you.**

***Keep in mind I may not choose any, and instead use my own idea, but the odds don't look good right now, so send me endings before I think of one!**


	8. Dealing With the Pain

Dealing With the Pain

The hole was back. That aching, searing, burn had settled back in my chest. There was a fire within me; burning me alive, if that's what I was. Could I actually say that I was alive? Did this count as living? I severely doubted it.

It was impossible to do anything anymore. I was a statue; a barely living tribute to a lost cause. Love. Love was a scam. It was a lie made up to give people false happiness. It didn't make any sense. It was only given to you to be taken away later, wasn't it? It happened to my father, and now it was my turn, apparently.

I knew it wasn't true. Somewhere, deep down, I understood that I was lying to myself. Love was real. It had to be. I only wanted to come up with a valid reason for all of this pain. Pain. Maybe that was the answer. If love didn't exist, then I would not be feeling this terrible emotion. But I was, and therefore, love had to exist. It just wasn't very fond of me.

I stole a glance at my clock. Eleven thirty. Great, I had spent exactly three minutes sitting here since the last time I looked. Why is it that whenever you wish time would slow down, it blows past you in a blur, but when you want it to do just that, the second hand ticks by sluggishly, as if just to taunt me. Just to make that unbearable pain worse, if that were possible.

It was dark, and I was cold. The chilly air wafted through my open window, and gathered around me. I made no move to get more comfortable, or to close the window. If anything the crisp, icy breeze was welcomed. I shivered, not from the cold, but from memories. There was a reason I needed the cold. It was a connection, no matter how small.

Another look at the clock. Eleven thirty-six.

The world had a way of crashing down on you sometimes. For me, it happened at regular intervals. Each night, when I was alone, it would return. I could not shut it off, and I could not hold it back. It was always present, but at night, it escalated to new heights.

Alice and I had been diligently working for the past couple of days, both of us trying to juggle schoolwork and research. We had decided to start small. The internet seemed like a good enough place. At the moment, all we could do was learn. Learn all we possibly could about vampires (which wasn't hard) ghosts, and everything in between. I would not rest until we found something.

I couldn't rest anyway. I had nightmares every time I closed my eyes, asleep, or otherwise, and everybody knew it. I knew they could hear my screams. I couldn't help it. Each night, I subjected them to my awful sobs. I wanted to stop. I could see just how much pain I was causing them. I guess I could just add guilt to the long list of unwanted emotions. I could only imagine what they felt when they heard me scream his name in agony.

It was always the same. Well, most of it was. The setting would change, and sometimes certain characters would not appear. But the plot of my nightmares was always the same. Fire. Every night. And death, his death, over and over again.

With a sigh, I fell back against my pillow, and drifted into a fitful sleep.

I woke up involuntarily at five thirty in the morning. When I checked the clock, the last of a thousand times, I was glad to note that it was now a reasonable time to get up. I worked quickly, and within forty- five minutes, I was ready to go.

Down stairs, the family was sitting around the living room doing various things. Emmett and Jasper were playing some video game on their X-box, though neither of them looked very into it. Alice and Rose were reading fashion magazines, but I could easily tell that they weren't enjoying themselves. Carlisle was reading a medical journal, and I could tell that Esme was in the other room where the delicious scent of eggs and bacon seemed to be coming from.

I walked into the other room to retrieve my breakfast. I wasn't really hungry, but I would eat something to appease Esme. Inside, I could see her heading for the door.

"Oh, Bella dear, I was just coming to get you. Breakfast is ready." She told me.

"Thank you." I told her honestly. It was hard to talk now. Sometime in the last few days, I had unconsciously made the decision to stay quiet. It seemed I could not do much to keep the tears at bay, so keeping my mouth shut was pretty much my only option.

"You're welcome sweetie."

As she headed into the other room, Alice bounced in. "When do your classes start today?" she asked.

"I don't have classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays, Alice. Remember?" Wow, this was the most I had spoken in three days.

"Right. I must have forgotten, what with all of the time we've been _studying._" She was amazing at this. If I didn't know what was going on, I would be totally clueless.

"Did you-" I cut off, knowing she would get the gist of it without the ending. Well that and we were still hiding the true reasons for our _study sessions _at the library.

"No." She sighed. "Why don't you just-" she cut off to keep the secret like I asked her to. "I mean, Carlisle could-"

"No, Alice." I said brokenly. It was hard to keep telling her that. Every time she said that, it got harder, and harder to tell her no. For all I knew, this was our only chance.

"I understand why you do this Bella, but it's not worth it."

I told her with my eyes to meet me outside. She nodded, and headed for the door.

As soon as I was done eating, I got up, and headed to the sink. Esme must have heard me, for she entered the room, and took my plate from me. I smiled to her in appreciation, a feat for me. I don't remember the last time I smiled.

Before I reached the living room, I heard Alice's singsong voice call out. "Alright, Bella and I are heading out to the library." No one said anything. I doubt they thought that we were actually studying. But, it seems they let it go anyway.

I quietly fallowed her out to the car, trying to avoid the glances from the family. I guess they weren't as oblivious as they seemed.

**A/N- I know, I know it's really short, but I wasn't sure what else to add to it at this point. **


	9. The Library

The Library

"I can't do this anymore, Alice." I muttered as I closed a large tome. We were sitting in the old, dimly lit library on campus. Alice and I had been here all day long, searching through every book we could find. The mythology section only had so much to offer. Anything related to ghosts, vampires or anything similar had already been looked through thoroughly. I guess this one could just be added to the pile of books that were of no use to us.

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled. She set her book aside, and looked over to me. Her face contorted in worry as she thought over my possible answers. "You don't really want to give up. Do you?" Suddenly, there was worry shadowing her whole face. I hadn't really thought of it before, but it was immensely weird to see my cheery, bouncy, almost sister look sad. But, I suppose it would look odd to see her dawn a real smile given the current situation.

"I don't _want_ to give up, but this isn't working. What else are we supposed to do?" It was for her benefit that I asked the question. I had been pondering my options for a while now; in secret of course. I couldn't have Alice, or anyone else know what my backup plan is. It was stupid, if I was being honest. I couldn't keep anything from Alice. As I was thinking over my decision, a look of horror crossed her face. Yep, you never keep things from Alice.

"Bella, you can't!" she screeched as loud as she was able. I could just imagine the little old librarian, whose name I forgot, run over here with a ruler in her hand as she came to reprimand us. It would be funny to watch her stand there lecturing us about the fact that this is a library, and we were supposed to be quite.

"Why can't I?" I questioned. She couldn't tell me that I wasn't allowed to kill myself.

"Because we need you, Bella. You're the only thing holding us together after," she paused "what happened." I shuddered. As Alice finished her thought, I heard something else, a new voice, join the argument.

"Because you were meant to live a normal, happy, human life. That was the whole point of this. It's why I left, it's why I died." Again, I found myself shaking as I thought of what he had said.

"How can my life be any of those things now?" I asked my ghost. "It isn't normal, and never will be, it isn't possible for me to be happy without you, and my life isn't exactly _human_, now is it?"

"Thank you for being on my side." Alice said to him.

"How would you feel?" I addressed them both. "What if it were me?" I asked him. "What if I were dead?" He didn't answer. "Or Alice, what if this was Jasper we were talking about?"

"It's not." She spoke softly, clearly imagining it.

"But what if it was?" I asked again. "I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want you to ever have to go through something like that." I paused "But what if it was? Could you live without him?"

She sighed. "No."

"I want to talk to you about something." I told her.

She nodded.

"Remember last week? The day I got here?"

"Yes."

"I told you of all the crazy things I did." I paused to take an unneeded breath. "I lied when I mentioned the cliff."

She gasped quietly.

"Well it wasn't a complete lie. I didn't _want_ to kill myself; but, at the same time, I was way passed caring. I honestly didn't care if I survived or not. It was in the back of my mind, sure, the idea of suicide, but that wasn't my goal. It still didn't matter. If I died, well then, I would have just put myself out of my misery.

"Look, as much as I love you, Alice, there is absolutely no point in my life if he isn't in it. And while I was on that cliff, the one thing that really stopped me was the thought that, no matter where he was, or what he was doing, no matter how many lies he may have told me, it isn't possible to lie that convincingly. This means that in some way, no matter how small, he was out there, and he loved me."

"Bella-" she started.

"He's not out there anymore Alice!" I cried.

"I know, but we'll get through this."

"How?" I wondered.

"I'm not sure, but I know that we will."

She stood up, and walked around the table. Before I could blink, she had her arms around me. "Do you want to go?" she asked me sweetly.

"Alice I-"

"Bella," she cut me off. "We've been here for hours!"

"Alright," I gave in.

"Don't worry; we'll find something." With that, she took my hand, and led me out of the library.


End file.
